I'll hold my breath
by Maykaihe Janoshd
Summary: Edward and Bella split up two years ago and are now attending the same college, only they dont know it. Can these two reconcile their differences and rekindle the flame they once had or will the changes prove to great.
1. Poison

_I wish I never asked. I wish I never got out of the car. _

I was sitting on my bed looking at my hands, slightly confused as to why they were wet until I remembered I haven't stopped crying. I'd cried constantly off and on for the last three weeks, finally, so much so that it didn't even register anymore when one bout started and ended. I kept replaying the entire scene in my head over and over again and couldn't stop. Edward standing across from me looking at the ground sliding his foot back and forth never meeting my eyes.

"_What's wrong with us? We've been 'off' for a while now. What aren't you telling me?" I asked shaking._

"_Bella, I don't think it's a good idea if we're together anymore," he replied never looking up. _

"_You don't want me anymore? You don't want us?" I asked feeling the tears well up in my eyes. I could feel my entire body start to slowly go numb._

"_No, I'm sorry." He said finally looking up at me. I saw his eyes soften for a moment and his hands reached out to me like he wanted to comfort and hold me. Normally I'd leap into his arms and he'd rock me back and forth murmuring how he loved me, but not this time, this time I was on my own._

_My angel was leaving me here to fix myself. _

"_NO! Don't touch me!" I screamed at him holding my hands in front of me, hiding my face and shaking uncontrollably. I heard him start to say something and then he just turned and headed for the door. _

"_Bella, I'm so sorry…." And with that he was gone. _

It had been 6 years since Edward Cullen had left me curled up on the floor. Six years since my entire world disappeared. He meant what he said, he left but he neglected to mention he wasn't the only one leaving. With the knowledge that his entire family (my entire family) was leaving as well I shut down and shut out the rest of the world. I thought about them all. Alice, my best friend and sister I never had. Jasper and Emmett, the two best almost older brothers anyone could want. Even Rosalie, the one Cullen that hated me more then anything. I could feel my heart strings ache even more I thought of Esme and Carlisle . Esme with her super sweet nature and Carlisle with his never ending

compassion had been like parents to me and now they, along with the rest of the family, were gone. I couldn't think my angels name. I couldn't face that name, the memories, the flood of emotion I had worked so hard to control for 6 years had finally managed to break through the flood gates and knock the wind out of me.

I just sat there staring at my hands and shaking sobbing uncontrollably as flashes of memories came back to me. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out from the pain of it all so as not to alarm Charlie._ Edwards's eyes looking into mine at prom. Alice running up to me bouncing about something, Emmett and jasper laughing. Edward kissing me and … _Sweet memories tearing me apart at the seams causing agonizing pain as it quickly got dark. The last thing I remember was feeling his lips on mine as the pain in my heart caused me to black out leaving me in the comforting numbness of sleep.

The next morning I woke up on the floor of my room wondering idly who had put a blanket on me or if I'd somehow managed to pull it on top of me last night. After taking a second to mentally reassemble myself I realized I was not alone.

"Bells, honey? Are you ok?" I heard my father say. I looked up and he was squatting next to me with his hand on my back and concern written all over my face. This was normal for us. He'd found me passed out in random places around the house but never in my bed. _Never again in my bed_, I thought to myself.

"Ya. Sorry Cha… I mean dad. I just rolled out of bed again I guess." I could tell from the look in his eyes he didn't believe me but if the last 6 months taught him anything it was not to question it. I inwardly cringed as I thought about that. _God, how much has it hurt him watching me this way?_ I never claimed to be any particular way, be it strong, weak, independent. I was always just ME. The only thing I knew how to be, but I knew neither of my parents would ever want what I've become for me. Hell I don't even know what I've become! I felt more and more like I'm not real everyday. That I'm just slipping away.

"well come on hun. You need to get up and start the day" Charlie said as he helped me up and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

That's how we started everyday until I graduated, every day having to be reminded that I have two reasons worth living and continuing on. My parents, if anything I owed it to them to at least go through the motions. I had enough emotion in me to at least give them that, right?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

**This chapter is set two years after Edward and Bella break up and she's a sophomore in college now. She lives in an apartment off campus with her roommate Jamie.**

"Bella! Bella wake up you're going to be late for exams!", my roommate Jamie yelled as she shook me roughly by the shoulder.

"Jamie I swear to God if you shake me one more time you're going to have to start typing with your feet", I grumbled as i reluctantly got out of bed. I looked at her with a look of pure hatred and she simply smiled back at me and turned and left the room as she shouted a smart ass comment back at me.

Jamie and i had met at Freshman orientation. She had picked me up and yelled "ta-da!" when i stumbled straight into her back knocking her over in a forward roll landing her at the guides feet. She had been such a good sport about it and even thanked me for "teaching" her how to do a somersault. She ways the ying to my yang and mac to my cheese since then as she put it. We'd roomed together in the dorms our freshman year and decided to get a place together just off campus for our sophomore year. She was pursuing a major in philosophy while i worked on my literature major with a minor in classical music.

" Yea well sleeping beauty if you would set an alarm clock yourself like an ADULT, I wouldn't have to mimic an earthquake to get you up. Just be glad you have a roomie who looks out for your scrawny butt!" Jamie quipped as she slung her backpack over her shoulder and headed out to class.

_ Wise ass... _i thought as i changed my clothes. I had my shirt almost completely on when my cell phone rang and scrambled to find not only the hole where my head should poke through but i was feeling around my nightstand for my phone. After realizing my head didn't fit in the arm hole and banging my knees on the bed post i poked my head through and breathlessly answered my phone. "Hello?"

" Bella, honey, are you ok? Why are you out of breath? Am i interrupting something? i can go..." My mother asked trailing off on the end, her comments loaded with double meanings.

Rolling my eyes i answered, " No mom i was just getting dressed for class and my sweater was trying to put me in a full nelson. What's up? is everything ok?"

"Oh honey, i thought you'd of figured that whole dressing yourself thing out by now", she chuckled. "No honey i was calling to let you know that Phil and I are going to have to miss the Christmas party at your place this year. Phil got offered to coach a new team and the money's too good to pass up. i hope you understand honey. We'll be back soon though and can do something then. Will you be ok?"

I could tell it bothered her not to be able to spend the holidays with me and probably made her feel worse that it was for money. I knew Renee though and she wouldn't of made the decision unless they really needed it so i cut her some slack. "Yea no problem mom. Tell Phil i said hi and I'll see you guys whenever you can come up."

"Thanks baby doll! I knew you'd understand. We'll see you in a couple of weeks i promise. We'll take you and Jamie out for dinner and groceries to make it up to you!" She practically shouted into the phone relieved.

After telling my mom bye i glanced at the time. _SHIT!_ i only had twenty minutes to get to school and then race across campus to my lit class. I just knew my professor wouldn't accept this assignment if it was late...AGAIN. I threw my backpack on and hurried out the door.

Racing across campus I could hear people shouting as I nearly mowed them down. I kept both eyes on the ground beneath my feet as I ran, handy little trick you pick up when you're accident prone. As I ran I thought I hear someone screaming my name and looked up just long enough to run head first into what felt like a stone wall and then the all too familiar feeling of falling back on my ass with my stuff flying everywhere.

As I looked up past the falling papers I felt my heart falter and stop. The last thing I can remember seeing before the darkness claimed me was a perfect porcelain face and golden eyes. "Omg Bella...?" I heard before everything spun into pitch black.

_ UGH! oh god, what the hell...?_ I thought as i came to. I felt a cold hand pressing against my forehead and tried to fight back the memories and feelings that came with them of a much happier time.

"Bella? Bella can you hear me?" a musical voice was saying to me. _I know that voice._ I knew that voice better then i know my own. Suddenly my eyes flew open and i was staring straight into a pair of golden eyes.

"Alice?" I said incredulously. "Alice what are you doing here? How did you find me? What's going on? Is Ed-..." She stopped me before i could ask.

" Bella you ran into me. I was walking along minding my own business and you just barreled into me. I didn't come looking for you. I go to school here now. We all do.." She said calmly her eyes looking into mine with a pained expression. _we all do... she said. does that mean...? _

_ " _Alice what do you mean 'we all do'. Is ..." I swallowed hard, " is HE here?" I asked nervously biting my lip and holding my breath as i took her outstretched hand and stood up.

" We ALL do Bella. We didn't know you were going here. I mean how could we? I don't know if i should even be talking to you. He'd be so mad." She said biting her lip and looking around anxiously. " I should go", she said and started to turn and walk away.

" NO! Alice no!", I yelled lunging out and grabbing her arm. I knew good and well if she wanted to go that wouldn't of stopped her. My heart skipped a beat and hope flickered in my eyes when she stopped and turned around eyeing me curiously. "Please, cant' you stay? I wont be crazy i promise. I've just missed you so much. I've missed all of you." I said as i looked down at the ground still holding her arm. I was afraid she'd see the desperation in my eyes and leave again. I finally looked up at her and could see her warring with herself. After a minute she smiled and threw her arms around me.

"Bella i've missed you too. I'll stay. I don't think we should tell the others yet though. They're just not ready for this yet." She said as she bounced up and down still holding onto me.

"Oh Alice thank you! thank you! I've missed you so much!" I yelled again and could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Before i knew what was happening we were walking to the coffee shop around the corner. _screw class i_ thought _one zero wouldn't completely demolish my grade. " _

"So how have you been?" I asked Alice as we got our coffee and sat down.

" I've been miserable Bella. I don't know what to say to you. I don't know how to say how sorry i am. I didn't want to leave you but it was Edwards decision" She said noting how i cringed when she said his name. Her face was so sad and pitiful i couldn't help but forgive her.

" Alice, its ok i understand. Sometimes people just fall out of love. It happens everyday." I cringed and tried to push back the tears that were threatening to spill as i played with my coffee. i would never be so dismissive of my feelings for Edward but at the same time i was never going to be able to be Alice's friend if she thought I'd be throwing myself at her brother every five minutes. It was best to try and convince her that i could behave and that i was over everything. I may never get Edward back but maybe i could at least reclaim some part of my family.

I looked up at her only to find her looking back at me with that same pained expression as before. She reached a hand out and put it over my own. I shivered at her touch but didn't pull away. She smiled softly at me and we proceeded to talk about travels and school and friends we had made. Her and Jasper had taken some time away from the family and got remarried in Milan. Rosalie and Emmett were both TA's for the physical education department even though Alice swears that they're both more interested in the "physical" part then the education part. We both had a good laugh. Esme was working as an interior decorator here in town and Carlisle was heading up a surgical team at the campus hospital. She thankfully didn't add what Edward was doing and i didn't ask. We sat there discussing and catching up until she looked at her watch and told me it was time for her to go or they'd get suspicious.

As we walked out i looked at Alice and said "promise me you wont vanish after this?"

Again a pained look crossed her face and she pulled me into a tight hug, "Bella i will NEVER leave you again. I've missed you too. it wasn't my choice to leave you. i love you like a sister, I'm so sorry i've hurt you." Suddenly she tensed and pulled away. When i looked at her confused she started playing with the clasp on a charm bracelet she was wearing and before i knew it she had placed it on my wrist. " Jasper gave me that the first time we got married. He made it so I'd be able to collect our memories and keep them with me at all times. As long as that's with you I'll never leave. I'd never leave you again anyway but consider it extra insurance!" She laughed at me, her laugh echoing like a chorus of bells.

She kissed my cheek and smiled. "See you soon Bella!" she yelled as she turned and ran across the commons. I smiled and waved, watching her go.

I smiled to myself as i turned and headed back to my room._ Jamie's not going to believe this one. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

EPOV:

_How many times can someone sit through on lectures they've heard a thousand times before without going insane? _I wondered idly as I sat through my Physics teachers boring lecture on relativity. _The least the teachers can do is add some kind of visual stimulation_. I had moved to New Hampshire just a year ago and while the vegetation and abundance of wildlife was nice, the abundance of eager and moral less college coeds was giving me a headache. For example, the two young women behind me passing notes guessing my relationship status and ….size…of my "equipment" as they so delicately put it; was enough to make me want to show them my monster within to put such ideas out of their vapid minds forever. _Its not their fault your miserable you did it to yourself. If you'd just….NO! _I really had to stop thinking of going back as an option. I'm saving her life, I thought to myself.

Finally the professor gave us our assignments and dismissed us for the day. I quickly grabbed my bags and darted towards the door. _I'm free!…Oh crap _, I thought until I was stopped short by redish blonde hair and creamy white stone.

" yes Tanya?",I asked as I tried to hold back my sneer. Tanya and Irina from the Denali clan had learned about our departure from Forks and had invited themselves along. Irina claimed the Carmen and Elezar, their "parents" had become to stifling and she needed a change with Tanya in tow claiming the same need of release. Tanya however, seemed to be more set on being my own shadow as of late. Her repeated advances had gone unrequited before but after one particular weak night on my account I had "slipped" and she seized the opportunity to pounce. Her presence since then had always brought with it a range of emotions. Being near her made my skin both crawl and tingle at the same time. _I guess this is the closest I'll ever get to a normal relationship again, _I thought.

"Hmm, Eddie why so angry this morning?" Tanya purred as she rubbed her hands along my chest and shoulders. My nose burned from her scent but my skin tingled from her roaming hands on my body, certain parts of my anatomy instantly perking up. Tanya feeling my discomfort simply smiled and slinked her way closer to me. "Awe Eddie, if you were so excited to see me we could of skipped class." she mused letting her hands roam further down.

As irrational as it was I quickly snatched her hands and held them over her head as I pinned her against the wall. She simply squeaked and smiled when she looked into my eyes. She always mistook my desperation to kill the numbness as an invitation to fool around. I quickly leaned in and pressed my lips to her ear and breathily whispered, "Just make it go away." I felt her shiver under me and she placed her hands on my chest shoving me back and grabbing my hands. As she pulled me into an abandoned classroom with a wicked smirk on her face I sent a silent prayer to God that maybe even the damned could gain forgiveness and understanding. With that thought Tanya crashed her lips to mine hungrily as she wrapped her legs around my hips.

Bella POV:

"Jamie!," I cried as I shoved the door open to our apartment. Flinging my stuff on the ground in the foyer I darted towards the stairs to her room. "Jamie! You wont believe who I….AHHHH my eyes!" I screamed as I flung open her door and immediately regretted my decision. There across her bed was my roommate and some guy in a very compromising position, a very naked and compromising position. "OMG I'm so sorry. Jamie I'll talk to you later. Um, it was nice to see MEET you; whoever you are! Oh God! I'm so sorry!" I bumbled as I staggered out of the room pulling the door closed behind me.

"Bella wait!" I heard Jamie half yell half laugh after me. After some rustling noises Jamie emerged from her bedroom wearing a tank top and boy shorts. "Bells! Its ok. I was going to introduce you later but you know that guy from my AV class that I've been working on that project with for the last two months? That's him. Brian came over to return my camera and drop off some notes from class and one thing led to another and let me tell you the stuff he can…" She trailed off dreamily and happy. "Anyway, what did you need?"

"Um sorry, I normally wouldn't barge in but this was huge!" I started . Jamie stifled a giggle and I rolled my eyes. "hey! Focus!," I chuckled. Then taking a deep breath I said, "I ran into Alice. Cullen. Alice Cullen. They're here, at Dartmouth, ALL of them."

Jamie's eyes instantly turned hard and she just stood there staring for a minute and shifting back and forth on her feet. After a minute more I held my hands up and shrugged at her. _WHAT?_ "I'm waiting for the reason that this is such a big deal. Why do you care? They left Bells. They left you. Now you're just going to drop everything because a Cullen shows up and deems you worthy to talk to?" Jamie huffed.

A bit taken aback I looked at her in shock. "Jamie I know they left and everything but Alice never did anything to me. She just followed her family. HE is the only one I should be upset with not Alice or anyone else. I thought you'd be happy for me." I bit my lip and looked at her with pleading eyes. _Jamie come on, don't make me choose between you and them_, I begged silently.

"Bella they left, they all left and they've made no effort to find you or contact you. Don't you think that's a sign that they wanted you to stay gone? Running into them is just coincidence! Don't you think your precious EDWARD," I flinched and she caught it. " would of came back for you after he left because he couldn't stand being away from you? Bella I see what just his name does to you. I really think it's stupid for you to have ANY of them in your life ever again. You're doing so well and you're so close to having a life again, don't let them showing up take it all away from you." Jamie silently walked over to the stairs and headed towards the kitchen. I knew where this was going, its what we always did in a time of "crisis". As I heard Jamie starting the tea Brian popped his head out from her bedroom and raised an eyebrow asking if it was ok to come out. I simply nodded and motioned for him to follow me into the kitchen.

As we entered Jamie set two steaming cups of tea in front of us and made herself a cup and joined us. We all sat there silently for a few minutes until Brian fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair. Smiling Jamie reached over and grabbed his hand and rubbed soothing circles in his palm. I took a moment to watch their interaction with a mix of resentment and longing. It was nice to see my best friend so happy but at the same time I hated that she had someone she cared about. That they made it look so easy and simple. Sighing I felt that sinking feeling and let out a yawn.

"Jamie I know we'd normally talk about this more but I'm tired and you've got company. I'm just going to go finish some school work and then hit the hay. Do you want to grab lunch tomorrow and we can talk more?" I asked as I stood and rinsed my cup in the sink. Brian opened his mouth to say something so I cut him off, "no worries Brian, its not you. I just know Jamie rarely has visitors and I really do have things to do. It'd be better to do it tomorrow when we both have slept on the issues." I said pointedly looking at Jamie.

Jamie simply pursed her lips and raised her eyebrow at me before answering, "sure Bells, we can do La Nop tomorrow at one ok?" I nodded at her and turned to walk away but Jamie stopped me. "Hey, just remember what I said though. Its not worth losing everything you've worked so hard for and if it was meant to be it would of happened then, not now."

A little peeved at my friends insistence that this was a fluke I turned and headed up the stairs to my room and pulled out my bag. Setting down my laptop I opened it and was greeted by a yahoo message from Alice.

_**I'll keep you my little secret. Lunch tomorrow at one? La Nop?**_

With a little wicked grin I texted her back and then shut off my computer and crawled in bed. Screw homework, I can do it later; I thought as I crawled into bed and fell asleep.

Alice POV:

My computer dinged at me to alert me I had received a message from Bella.

_**Ya Im in! One o' clock. **_Her message read. I smiled to myself and quickly opened a browser window and pulled up _. I'm so excited! _I thought to myself as I quickly located what I was looking for and punched in my credit card and hit next day shipping. This was going to be tough but I just know if I can get Bella's roommate to get behind me on this I may finally be able to get her and Edward back together and end everyone's suffering.


End file.
